


how we are, how we'll be

by zhedang



Series: Attack on Queerplatonic Relationship [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aromantic, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Canon Era, M/M, Post-Canon, Queerplatonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-22 15:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4841489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zhedang/pseuds/zhedang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi was more than old enough now that couldn’t truly wake up without either tea or an actual emergency. So it wasn’t until he was sipping slowly from a steaming cup that he noticed the pair of eyes peering at him from just over the window sill.</p><p>(Part of my asexual ereri series, though each fic can stand on its own. A quiet story about Levi and Eren's life together by the sea as they try to navigate the small shifts in their relationship without the help of any examples or guides.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	how we are, how we'll be

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone is wondering where Armin is, he is afflicted with a condition known as wanderlust and will probably never settle down anywhere until he gets too old and breaks a hip or something. He knows Eren and Mikasa worry, so he visits often.

Levi was more than old enough now that couldn’t truly wake up without either tea or an actual emergency. So it wasn’t until he was sipping slowly from a steaming cup that he noticed the pair of eyes peering at him from just over the window sill. He put the cup down and pushed the window open to ask, “What are you doing, Remy?”

“Seeing if you’re awake.” Remy was standing on tiptoe, just barely tall enough for her head of brunette hair to clear the window. Her hair wasn’t brushed, still mussed from getting out of bed.

“Well, I’m awake,” Levi said needlessly. “Why are you over here so early? Do your mothers know you’re here?” It wasn’t a terribly far walk from Mikasa and Sasha’s place to theirs and no one in town would hurt Remy—no one would dare, considering her parentage. But still, it was barely six in the morning. Mikasa and Sasha had to be deep asleep.

Remy’s mouth was set into a stubborn pout. Levi could only assume it wasn’t him she was upset with because she asked, “Can I come in?”

Levi let her in through the door, telling her, “Be quiet though, Eren is sleeping.”

Remy nodded solemnly, climbing into Eren’s chair at the kitchen table. Levi offered her tea— which she refused— and a slice of the bread that Eren had baked the day before— which she accepted and tore into small pieces, not putting a single crumb into her mouth.

Levi drank his tea and watched her arrange the bread into shapes on the tabletop. When his cup was empty and Remy still hadn’t eaten, he finally asked, “What’s wrong?”

Remy kept her brown eyes locked onto the bread pieces she was positioning into the rough outline of a cat. “Ma and Mom are mad at me.”

“Oh?” Levi had suspected as much. Remy didn’t get punished often, but she sulked whenever she did. “What happened?”

“I shot apples on Parker’s head,” Remy mumbled, still not looking up.

“Is he okay?” Levi asked, alarmed. Parker, Connie’s son, was one of the few children in town that Levi willingly tolerated—unlike Eren, who was happy to have the town’s kids climbing all over him like a tree. Parker had his father’s knack for mischief and was quick on his feet, making him the perfect playmate for Remy.

“I didn’t get him. Mom caught us and took my bow away.” Remy flicked one of the bread crumbs with her fingers and it bounced off of Levi’s cup. “Ma says I’m not allowed to practice or anything for a week.”

That sounded good to Levi. Remy could’ve shot Parker’s eye out. If she couldn’t use a bow safely, she had no business using one at all until she learned her lesson. But Levi was sure Remy had heard all that from her mothers already, so he just said, “A week isn’t so long.”

“A week is _forever_.” Remy laid her head down on the table and sighed. “Can I stay here with you and Uncle Eren today?”

“If you want to.” He got up to clear away his cup and Remy’s mess. Once all the bread crumbs were dealt with, he stroked Remy’s hair until she lifted her head off the table and then he asked, “You want to help me in the garden?”

He put her to work pulling up weeds. She took to the chore with relish, yanking the plants up by their roots and swinging them triumphantly over her head so that flecks of dirt flew everywhere. After the tenth weed met its devastating fate, her sour mood had vanished completely and she ran around the small yard, terrorizing the small lizards that had come out to bask in the rising sun.

Her shrieks and laughter woke up Eren, of course. He came out into the garden, half-dressed and scratching at the stubble on his jaw. “Remy, what you are doing here?”

“Helping Uncle Levi!” she exclaimed, though she’d long since abandoned weeding in favor of chasing bugs with her fingers.

“I can see that,” Eren said, gracing her with a glance that was equal parts exasperated and fond. “And you’ve gotten all dirty too. Why don’t you go wash up so we can have breakfast?”

Remy chirped her agreement and dashed back into the house, leaving Levi alone with Eren to explain what she was really doing at their place.

“I better go over there after breakfast and tell them where she is so they don’t worry,” Eren said. “She wasn’t any trouble for you, was she?”

Levi scoffed. “That one? She’s always trouble. Just like her father.”

Eren smiled, taking one of Levi’s dirt-stained hands in his. “Come on, you better wash up too. I’ll make your favorite.”

=====

Mikasa came to them alone, though her first words once all three of them had sat down was, “Sasha and I would like to have a child.”

Eren— who’d been nervous ever said Mikasa had said there was something important she needed to talk about with them earlier that day— brightened immediately. “Oh! That’s nice.”

Levi already saw where this was going. His assumption was verified when Mikasa continued with, “But the two of us can’t make a child. We need someone to be the father.”

Mikasa’s pointed look was enough of a hint for Eren to put the pieces together too, though he blinked blankly for a moment first. “…Wait, _me_? With _you_?”

“If that’s all right,” Mikasa said, her posture as poised and regal as ever.

Eren’s face was screwed up into an expression of distaste that someone besides Mikasa might’ve found incredibly insulting. “Why does it have to be me?” he asked in a tone that bordered on a whine.

Mikasa raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. “Well, it can’t be just any random person off the street. This is important.”

“So ask Armin next time he visits!” Eren suggested. “I bet any kid of Armin’s would be super smart too, so it’d be better that way.”

Mikasa sighed, reaching up to brush her bangs out of her eyes. “We’d both prefer it to be you,” she said.

“Why?”

Mikasa waved her hand at Eren in a broad, sweeping gesture. “Your coloring is similar to Sasha’s. The child might look more like her if it’s you.”

She had a point, Levi decided. Eren and Sasha’s hair and skin color were both roughly the same. Their eyes and facial structure didn’t bear much of a resemblance, but compared to Armin or any of the other likely contenders, Eren was a far closer match for Sasha’s appearance.

“Ah… I get it…” Eren rubbed the back of his neck, clearly still reluctant. But after a moment, he shrugged his shoulders and let his hands drop down to his side. “Well, I guess I can try. If it’s okay with Levi.”

Eren and Mikasa both looked to Levi, though Levi wasn’t really sure it was his place to give or deny permission for something like this. “I don’t care,” he said. “Go ahead.”

Though Levi had given his blessing easily enough, he couldn’t help but be a little… well, nervous. Eren, for all his lack of sexual inclinations, wasn’t like him, after all. Eren could enjoy fucking, had told Levi quite plainly that he thought sex was nice with the right person, though not exactly exciting. Unlike Levi, who only had to imagine the act to make his stomach start to squirm uneasily.

It was ridiculous to think that after all these years Eren would suddenly realize that he loved fucking and wanted to do it all the time, leaving Levi for the copper-haired woman who ran the town’s best fish stall and who winked at Eren whenever he went by. It was ridiculous, especially since Eren was doing it with _Mikasa_ (who was his sister in every way except blood) and only as a favor.

Levi knew it was ridiculous. Even still, he waited up for Eren, sitting upright in their bed and staring at the pages of a book without absorbing a single word. Eren returned much later than Levi would’ve thought, entering their bedroom with an odd, blank expression. It wasn’t until Levi asked, “Well?” that Eren groaned and covered his face with both hands.

“Levi, that was the single weirdest, most awkward thing I’ve ever done.” He got into bed with Levi, kicking off his shoes and burying his face into the junction between Levi’s shoulder and neck. “I hope she gets pregnant as soon as possible because I really do not want to keep doing that.”

Fortunately for Eren, he only had to pay Mikasa two more visits. It wasn’t long after that Remy was born.

Levi had not expected to like Remy much. Children tended to baffle him at best and irritate him at worst. When former comrades introduced their children, it was always Eren who squatted down to shake their little hands and ask how old they were. Never Levi.

But Remy was different. She was Eren’s, after all, even if he acted more like her uncle than her father. And Levi supposed he was related to Remy somehow too-- however distantly-- through the Ackerman line. Perhaps those two ties were what compelled Levi to learn how to support Remy’s head when he held her, to take her hand when she toddled after him through town, to determine when she needed discipline and when she needed to be given free rein. Levi had never been interested in having kids of his own, but helping to take care of Remy wasn’t so bad.

“You adore her, admit it,” Eren would tease. Levi never responded, but his lack of denial was probably enough. Eren knew him too well.

=====

After breakfast was cleared away and Eren had left for Mikasa and Sasha’s house, Levi took Remy to the ocean.

Even though she’d lived within walking distance of the ocean since the day she was born, Remy still loved to play in the sand and wade into the waves. It was familiar to her, comforting. The ocean was part of her life, just like the sun in the sky and the dirt under her feet.

To Levi, the ocean would always be something akin to a dream.

Today, Remy had her mind set on collecting shells. She ran ahead of Levi as he strolled along the beach, bringing back seashells of all shapes and sizes for him to hang onto for her. His hands were almost full when she came to him with a question rather than a shell.

“Boys kiss too?” Remy asked, tiny fingers closing around the hem of Levi’s shirt.

Levi glanced up at the dunes and spotted what had caught Remy’s attention. It seemed that the baker’s son did have a crush on the blacksmith’s apprentice. Eren owed Levi a cake. “If they feel like it, they do,” he answered, steering Remy gently in the other direction so the boys could have some privacy. As much privacy that could be had on the beach, anyway.

Remy was silent for a while as they walked, hand still fisted around his shirt since Levi’s hands were full of her shells. Eventually she tipped her head back to look up at him. “You and Uncle Eren don’t kiss.”

“No.” Not often, anyway. Eren liked to kiss on occasion and Levi didn’t mind indulging him. Kissing was fine so long as Levi was forewarned and could trust that it wouldn’t go any further. “We aren’t like that.”

Remy’s face fell at his answer. When Levi asked her what was wrong though, she just kicked at the damp sand and didn’t answer. She didn’t speak to him the entire way home.

When they returned to the house with seashells in tow, Eren was waiting there with Sasha.

“Remy,” she admonished. “You can’t just run off like that. Me and your mom were worried.”

It would never fail to amuse Levi to see Sasha acting motherly. His initial assessment of the girl had been that, although she was skilled, she didn’t have a single authoritative bone in her body. Not suited for leadership roles. That assessment had not changed much over the years, but Remy’s birth must have awoken some kernel of responsibility buried deep within her.

Remy darted to hide behind Eren’s legs. “I don’t wanna talk to you!” she declared with all the force a small child could muster. “You’re mean! Mom’s mean! I hate you.”

“Remy!” Eren scolded.

But Sasha just rolled her eyes. “Well, if you hate us, I guess you’ll have to live with your uncles forever.”

“I will!” Remy shouted from behind Eren.

“Uh huh,” Sasha drawled, folding her arms across her chest. “That means no more of your mom’s stew. I won’t give you archery lessons anymore. And Uncle Levi, he won’t let you get a dog like you’ve been asking-- he doesn’t like dogs.”

Remy peered out at Levi. “It’s true, I hate dogs,” he said. He saw no need to add that if she really wanted one, he’d let her have it so long as it stayed outside.

Remy bit her lip. “...I could visit.”

“I thought you hated us,” Sasha said. “We’re _mean_.”

“You are mean,” Remy muttered. “You took my bow.”

Sasha sighed and crouched down to Remy’s level. “What would make you sadder? Not having your bow for a week? Or hurting Parker?”

“I don’t  want to hurt Parker,” Remy answered quietly, staring at the ground.

Sasha patted Remy on the head. “That’s what we thought too. So will you come home for dinner at least?”

Remy mumbled her assent and permitted Sasha to give her a hug before Sasha left. Once she was gone, Eren changed the subject and began asking Remy about the beach as he cleared fruits out of the basket on the table so Levi could dump the shells into it. Remy responded monosyllabically and once the last of the shells was safely in the basket, Eren asked, “Did something happen?”

Remy didn’t answer. Levi wiped the sand from his hands and into the basket and said, “What do you mean?”

“Well, Remy, you usually hide behind Levi when you need protection from one of your big scary mothers, not me,” Eren pointed out. Remy was scowling, so Eren scooped her up and held her as he continued. “And you looked kind of upset even before you saw your Ma.”

Remy still didn’t look keen on explaining, so Levi offered up the best explanation he could, though he wasn’t sure what had happened himself. “She asked if me and you kissed and I told her we weren’t like that.”

“That’s it?” Eren asked, surprised. “Why did that make you upset?”

Remy shot Levi a look that he might have called a glare if it was coming from someone older. On her, it just looked sort of cute. Then she fisted one hand into Eren’s shirt and said, “But you told me that you love Uncle Levi.”

Love. The word made something in Levi’s chest clench tight. Very carefully, he kept his face clear of any reaction, wishing he could command his stomach to stop churning.

Eren didn’t deny Remy’s statement. Instead, he blinked and then quietly said, “...Ah.” Over Remy’s head, Eren grimaced at Levi’s apologetically, then sank down on his kitchen chair so he could sit Remy in his lap. “Remy, you know there’s different ways to love someone, right? You love your mothers, don’t you? And Parker is a good friend-- you love him, right?”

“I guess so,” Remy said, poking her fingers into a pants hole just over her knee.

Eren brushed her hair out of her face and behind her ears. “See? So just because Levi doesn’t love me the way your mothers love each other doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me.”

Levi couldn’t help but notice that Eren didn’t say anything about his own feelings. He pulled out his own kitchen chair and sat down, suddenly tired and strangely cold. When Remy looked towards Levi for confirmation of Eren’s claim, he found he couldn’t speak. So he just nodded, which appeared to be good enough for her.

Apparently appeased, Remy asked if she could go play with Parker. Eren told her to be back before six so he could walk her home and then she dashed out the door with the basket of shells wrapped in her arms.

Eren closed the door behind her, pausing with his hands on the wood for a moment before turning towards the kitchen and busying himself by putting water on to boil. Levi watched Eren’s back as he worked. Eventually, he found his voice.

“Eren,” he said. “Are you in love with me?”

Eren’s answer was quiet but firm. “Yes.”

Levi nodded, though Eren was still turned away. He made himself take a couple of breaths before asking-- as casually as he could manage-- “How long has that been going on?”

Eren shrugged one shoulder up and down. “I don’t know. I realized a couple years ago.”

Levi turned Eren’s answer over in his head, trying to decide how he felt about it now that the initial shock had passed. Eren hadn’t seemed any different in the last couple of years-- not in his mood or demeanor or how he treated Levi. It was hard to believe that Eren had been in love with him that entire time. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Eren finally faced him. “Because it didn’t really matter. You and me, we aren’t like that.”

That affirmation-- _we aren’t like that_ \-- warmed Levi slightly, but he couldn’t let what Eren said go. “Of course it matters.”

“Why?” Eren asked blandly.

“Because I don’t...” Levi clenched his hands into fists and corrected himself. “I can’t feel that way.”

This Levi knew without a doubt. He couldn’t fall in love with anyone. It had never happened once in all the decades he’d walked the world. And if it hadn’t happened yet with Eren, who he was closer to and who he held dearer than anyone he’d ever known, then it would simply never occur.

Eren smiled, the gentle, glowing kind of smile he usually used for greeting Levi in the morning. “I know that,” he said. “Did you think I somehow forgot? We’ve talked about this, Levi.”

“I didn’t think you forgot,” Levi sighed. “Just…”

Eren stepped forward and squeezed Levi’s shoulder in a soft grip. His thumb rubbed little circles into Levi’s collarbone as he asked, “Does it make you feel uncomfortable, knowing I love you?”

Levi thought about it for a few moments, then shook his head. “No. It just doesn’t feel fair. I can’t give that back to you.”

“I don’t need you to. I don’t _want_ you to.” Eren’s hand left Levi’s shoulder to touch him just beneath the chin, leaning Levi’s head backward to look up at him. “Things are perfect for me the way they are now,” he said, gazing straight into Levi’s eyes as though he could somehow burn the truth of his words into Levi’s retinas.

Levi didn’t know what to say to that. But he couldn’t look away either. Eventually the water began to boil and the bubbling noise drew Eren’s attention away from him. He went to go take care of it, pouring the hot water into a mug. “If it makes you feel any better,” Eren said. “I’m not... consumed by my love for you or pining or whatever. It’s… small. And quiet.”

“What, like a mouse?” Levi asked.

Eren laughed as he reached into the cabinet and pulled out Levi’s favorite tea leaves. “Yeah, a mouse, I suppose.”

Once the tea leaves began steeping, he brought the cup over to where Levi sat and set it before him. “You know what I do want?” Eren asked. “Since you’re so intent on giving me something.”

Levi curled his fingers loosely around the mug, absorbing its warmth. “What?”

Eren leaned one hip against the table, that good morning smile back again. “I want you to tell me if I ever make you feel uncomfortable. And to never try to change for me. And to just... be happy. That’s all.”

Levi watched the steam rising from the tea and closed his hand over the top of the mug, picking it up to sip and test the flavor. Just right. “I am happy,” he said, addressing the cup. Somehow, it felt too embarrassing to say it to Eren’s face.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Eren’s smile widen. “Yeah?”

He nodded, setting the tea back down. “I know I’m not always good at showing it, but… you make me very happy, Eren.”  

Eren’s pleasure was so evident that Levi didn’t even have to look to know it. He could feel it coming off of Eren, like his body heat during cold nights. “Good,” he said. “That’s good. So, are we okay?"

Levi huffed. “Of course we’re okay. But you have to promise that you’ll tell me if you ever… change your mind. About any of it.”

Eren laid his fingers against the wrist of Levi’s free hand. “I promise,” he said, with all the solemnity of a vow. Then the moment passed and he grinned, bright and almost boyish. “Though I don’t really think it’s necessary.” He slid his fingers down to clasp Levi’s hand, his skin every bit as warm as the mug Levi held. “This is how we are. And this is how we’re going to be. I wouldn’t change a single thing about it.”

Levi didn’t know what to say. Or, rather, he didn’t have anything to add. So he squeezed Eren’s hand, then raised his cup again and smiled into the tea Eren had made. He wouldn’t change a single thing either.

**Author's Note:**

> They lack the terminology to describe themselves as such, but in this fic: Levi - aromantic, sex-repulsed asexual / Eren - grey-romantic, sex-neutral asexual / they’re essentially in a queerplatonic relationship
> 
> Now, on a more personal note:
> 
> I see stories sometimes when an aro/ace person is guilted into giving their partner something that the partner claims they "owe" them-- usually sex, though not always. And, well, fuck that shit. This fic (and "lay with me, stay with me") were more or less born out of my disdain for that trope and its brethren. 
> 
> I've enjoyed writing this series a lot. It was really only ever supposed to be one fic, but then it turned into a trilogy and now I'm thinking about adding a fourth story. We'll see. Thank you everyone for your support. Please let me know what you think.


End file.
